Long Distance Relationships Will Kill You
Written 22 August 2014 — I was 19 years old.
I love My girlfriend, I really do. Well, at least I think I do. What if I don’t? What if this strong feeling is just an unfamiliar feeling that I never felt before? LOVE is a word used so often that it has lost meaning and value. LOVE is often confused with LUST. Today in America 50% or more married couples end with a divorce. Does this mean I should get out of America as I can and raise a loving family in France? I’m really off-topic.
I’m in a long-distance relationship with a girl I am pretty sure I love (I say pretty sure because emotions are so confusing, I barely know who I am). We have been dating for 2 months and long distance for a little bit less than a month. It’ll be a month on the 23rd which is two days from today. So far it’s been pretty good. Though it could be better. Like our texting has been fading recently. But we have been on Skype and on the phone a lot more (Every night we call each other and talk for hours. The shorter conversations are always better though because it never has those awkward pauses where nothing gets said. Now when the conversation starts to fade we normally plan to end within 30 minutes. I always make her do it because I can never force myself to. I did it once and it felt like I just lost a loved one (a feeling I actually don’t know.)). And when she’s having fun (when I know she’s having fun, like the One Direction concert) I don’t expect her to contact me and I discipline myself not to contact her because I want her to have a good time (and I don’t want to seem needy). If she was going to contact me during those times, that would have been the best feeling ever.
Today was one of those days. Today was her very first day of college. I know there will be barely any time for her to be contacting me during that entire time so I discipline myself not to blow up her phone. I text her during her ride there, which wasn’t very long, and around that time I suspected she will be back in her dorm. She simply told me about her day, showed me a few pictures of her dorm, and told me good night and that she loves me.
I felt alone for the entire day waiting for the right time to text her, and when that time came, I was only fed a cracker. Now I am left here to starve again.
We’ve been going out for only 2 months, during the summer when no one could part us. Now she’s surrounded by NEW Faces and new Opportunities.
And in Sixteen Days I will be too.
I believe long-distance relationships only last if both parties truly believe it will. But right now, This Long Distance Relationship is killing me :’(.
Future me -
I don’t know if you loved her. But, you definitely meant all you said. I’m impressed that you were wise enough to know that long-distance often doesn't last and that you weren’t the exception to the rule. You were so caring and had such a loving heart. You’ll soon be broken. If only I could go back and preserve the hopeful person you once were. Can you unsee what’s already been seen? Is going back ever growth?
