My Fitness Transformation Journey
At a very young age, I was fascinated by the ‘biggest’ ‘baddest’ guy in the room. From WWE wrestlers to the cool guy in every romance. I wanted to be just like them. Instead, I was trapped inside a significantly smaller and scrawny version of the person I wanted to be. I was either the smallest guy in the room or the skinniest guy in the room. I remember in six-grade, the first girl I ever admitted liking cried hysterically right in front of me. I, of course, was too shy to tell her myself. My so-called ‘friend’ at the time told her without my authorization. I wasn’t even going to tell him, but he beat it out of me. Not literally. He just kept asking me who I liked over, and over, again until I finally admitted who I liked.
“Great! now I’m scrawny, short and ugly.” I mourned to myself. I vowed to never admit I like a girl ever again. I created a three-day rule: three days to have a crush on a girl until you have to get over them. I’ve successfully kept that up until my senior year of High School. At five-foot-eight-inches I barely sucked up the courage to tell her that I like. That’s why I did it over text. That lasted a good three-months until she found herself a real man which she is still dating to this day… I think.
Flash forward to college, where I was determined to only focus on my career, the gym, and not be distracted by any girl who I knew would not like me. Within the first few weeks, I was loured in various directions of the endless opportunities of beautiful women only to watch each one be swiped away from a ‘real man’: Bigger, Badder, and Stronger. By December, after four months of refusing to look in the mirror, I decided enough is enough I will transform my body and I’ll be irresistible to every girl. Christmas break, after fasting in bed for over twelve hours straight, I got out of bed and signed up for the Bodybuilding.com 90-day transformation challenge. My brother, who had a similar journey as I, was my biggest fan. So much so that he took the before photo of me:
After a consistent month, I managed to gain all the way up to 125 lbs after losing it all after two long visits in the bathroom… At this time, my body fat was practically undetectable. However, I was fair in cardio and was pretty strong for my size. I knew because every girl ever was shocked whenever they saw me lift anything heavier than a pencil.
Three years and heartbreak later, I embarked on another transformation challenge journey. With a girl by my side who actually cared for me, I felt unstoppable and was ready to make a transformation of a lifetime. Compared to 2014, the weight gain was merely from puberty and after years of inconsistency at the gym. I was finally sick and tired of being sick and tired.
1 year and a consistent exercise routine later, I managed to gain ten pounds in one year. I know this is not an epic body transformation but people noticed the difference in my size. I wasn’t obsessed with how I looked, felt slightly more confident in myself overall. Around this time I was surrounded by friends and a girlfriend who was very supportive of my gym goals as well as had fitness goals of their own. I was nowhere near consistent with my eating but had accountability to make sure I ate. I’ve also been on dates, lots of dates, with my girlfriend at the time who loved eating out.
From February to October, I managed to increase my exercise intensity and frequency. I also re-established my love for Crossfit and did 5:30 am workouts with a group called the November Project. I increased my sleep schedule to almost eight hours a day and finally was consistent in calories for the first time in my life. Yet I didn’t gain a single pound. I did manage, however, to gain slight strength and was pretty good at Crossfit.
Two months and fifteen pounds later, I felt on top of the world. I was the strongest and biggest I had ever been. I upped my caloric intake to over three-thousand calories and remained consistent. Goodbye Boost, and hello Serious Mass. Serious times call for serious measures. I began the see-food diet and had one rule — consume over three-thousand calories every day. During this time I became obsessed with Crossfit and was learning to prioritize physical ability. I had always had pigeon feet and was determined to fix it. I figured that this was preventing me from running as fast as I could. I decided to seek a chiropractor. Little did I know, while the chiropractor was assessing my feet he discovered and unusual spinal curve in my neck and my lower back.
There you have it. In one year I went from 125 pounds to 150 pounds. The weight wasn’t the most desired weight but I wanted to see if I could possibly do it. I thought it was impossible for me to gain weight and this was proof that it is possible.
I was now determined to see how high I can go. Before realizing that I wasn’t the fondest of the way I looked. I was known for having very little body-fat and the fact that I was 16% body-fat was killing me. I wanted to be the same weight but lose fat. With extensive research on the topic, I discovered that this was a debated topic amongst the professionals whether this was possible or not. I took a leap of faith and went for it anyway.
The solution? Paleo. I was always curious by paleo since I was able to consume high fat and low carbs. I thought it would be easier to consume high calories through fat and protein than carbs. What I discovered, however, was that while it was easier to consume the high calories I wasn’t able to maintain the strength and all of my weight. The next journey was the nutrition challenge from my CrossFit gym, which was like an extreme paleo diet with almost no carbs.
At the end of the challenge, I dropped to 138 pounds. However, with the assistance of the chiropractor, I developed a better posture which gave an illusion of a flat stomach. The intake in fiber also played a huge role in a more flat stomach as well as definition. My strength gains dropped significantly. I went from being able to deadlift 380 pounds to struggling to lift more than 250 pounds. I got caught in the dilemma in which I was most happy visually with my physique but the least happy with my physical performance.
I dropped from 18% body-fat down to 14% within 1 month. I was so satisfying finishing the challenge and spending the entire day indulging in everything I could not have during the challenge. Disappointed in my weight loss, I wanted to take what I’ve learned from both the nutrition challenge and the paleo diet and customize a diet that best fit’s my weight gaining goals.
Two months later, after refining my diet. I managed to gain the weight back to 142 pounds while consuming the same amount of calories on a consistent basis daily. I was finally proud of my physical capabilities as well as my physical appearance. This was the happiest I’ve ever been. I thought I had nearly everything — amazing friends, athletic performance, and a pretty cool girlfriend. The only thing missing was my job. While I loved the company, I wasn’t fond of my position as well as the hours. I worked 2nd shift, from 3:30 pm — Midnight, as a quality technician. I couldn’t see myself there for more than a year and was afraid if I did not act now I would be stuck in quality forever.
I knew where I wanted to be, in theory. As Frank Sinatra once said, Chicago, Chicago that toddlin’ town. Chicago was the mecca of product development. And my dream job was waiting for me there. I looked at what I already had, and sacrificed it all for the hopes that the job of my dreams would bring more fulfillment in my life. I knew I was risking a lot. But I felt like it would be worth it in the end. I felt like if I lost it all I may not have reaped the benefits right away but at the end of the journey, I would look back and think it was all worth it.
So I took a leap of faith and gave one-hundred-percent to landing the job of my dreams and to eventually land the life of my dreams.
I landed the job, and within four weeks I had to say farewell to my surroundings and walk this lonely road to the top. The same day I accepted the job, I gave work a three-week notice and decided to give myself a week vacation to cherish and mourn on what may very well be the end of what was and the start of a new beginning. I had the last supper with all the people who had been there since my struggle days, thanked work and the CrossFit gym for the great experiences and lessons learned, and held on to my girlfriend for as long as I could. Although I intended on making this long-distance work, something told me that this may be the last time I’ll see her in person. Or maybe the last time our touch will have the same meaning.
Nevertheless, after an hour and a half of awkwardly saying goodbye, I finally embarked on my sixteen-hour journey to that toddlin’ town. Only stopping for gas and food, talking to my girlfriend for the majority of the way. When I finally made it, everything was just as, or even better than, I had imagined it. I was on top of the world. Then slowly, day by day, I began to notice the relationship between my girlfriend and me drift away. At first, I just watched it happen. I thought that despite how much I valued the relationship, our values did not align and the timing was no longer right. But once what I noticed was actually vocalized, I panicked. I began to remember how I felt the first time I had the suspicion that she may have liked me. I began to remember our first date, the day I asked her out, how much she grew from the day we started dating to know, how almost everything I was most proud of myself she was there for. Just when I tried to salvage the relationship, it was already too late. I was in the end game now.
What was this all for? I began to rethink life and my decision to move to Chicago. Was this really my ‘dream’? Why do we live? What’s the point of life? Does anything really matter? If the person who arguably knows me the best the past three years can imagine life without me, did anything, which I was so proud of, hold as much value as I thought it did? Am I just another guy after all? What if this is my peak, and life just goes downhill from here?
For the first time in my life, I began to miss a portion of my past. I was so used to moving every three years my entire life, that the future always looked better than my past. This time, I wasn’t sure. Unlike being in school, there was no more certainty of what the future will entail. The only certainty was uncertainty. I was so afraid of failure that I broke down entirely. Within four weeks, my drive at work diminished, I stopped going to the gym, and I only ate enough to survive. I was bedridden, killing time. Hoping to magically wake up with that drive. It never came. On its own at least. After two trips to the ER, three medication prescriptions, and six counseling sessions, I finally managed to get out of bed and say “this is it, today is the first day to the rest of my life”.
And so I rolled out of bed, barely managing to save myself from face planting the floor, walked towards the bathroom and stepped on the scale:
At five-foot-nine-inches, weighing in at 128 pounds, the journey begins…Again. This time ‘Bigger, Badder, and Stronger’ than ever before.
For more advice on building muscle/weight gain, follow my instagram @skinnymuscle.fit. Also visit skinnymuscle.org where I showcase my live fitness journey to Gainzville and offer a free and fitness program for hardgainers to follow!
